It's interesting... I've tried to write this post multiple times this year, but couldn't quite find the words. Now it seems to be time as I reflect on what was happening this exact day last year:
November 29, 2017.
I was on Thanksgiving break, taking a road trip with my brother, Tyler, around the peninsula. This particular day I walked from our Airbnb down to the coffee house in Port Angeles, Washington. When I arrived I decided to call my husband to check in. I remember turning around and seeing this view of the Olympic Mountains.
He proceeded to have one of the most honest conversations with me about his life, struggles and desires. It was a fairly short, simple, yet heart felt share. I felt honored to hear and witness. I thanked him, we hung up. I went in to the coffee shop, got a coffee and muffin, then walked back to the place I was staying.
After checking out, my brother and I drove over to the Elwha River Valley just west of Port Angeles. Neither of us had been there and it was absolutely beautiful! A gushing river, beautiful trees, a waterfall and the light in the sky was magnificent. We noticed the road to go further up the valley was closed, which seemed odd as there wasn't snow around. Tyler and I decided to walk behind the barrier and check it out. About a mile up we were greeted with the most incredible site. The river was raging! It had split into multiple paths and days before had taken everything in it's way. We walked closer, over a remaining bridge and into an area that had clearly been completely covered. The road was buckled and wavy. The mud and silt was thick on everything. The picnic benches were nearly covered. The energy and vibration of that area was tactile. It felt immense and powerful! It was a little unnerving, but we continued walking. The rushing water got louder and seemed to be on all sides of us.
We then realized the road ahead was completely washed out. Gone. Now the river was running through it.
This was the end of the road.
My heart sank.
What I didn't yet share was that this exact same experience had happened TWICE before in the last three days. Once as we were trying to drive to the Staircase Trail head, out by Lake Cushman. Once as we were driving to Port Angeles on 101, past Lake Crescent, (thankfully this had already been on the mend, so we could get across through a narrow makeshift road). And now this was the third complete road wash out.
What is the saying about if you see three signs of similar substance you better be paying attention?? Hmm.. well I do often pay attention when "signs" or synchronicity happens, but I usually take it with a grain of salt. We see what we want to see, yes? Or perhaps it's my inner skeptic. But to those of you who have experienced this, you will know - this was such a visceral sensation in my body. The knowing of change.
Unavoidable, Life altering - Change.
I wasn't 100% sure what or when, but I knew. It was a terrifying, unnerving feeling, the rest of the day I was riddled with anxiety.
Three days later my husband and I came to the mutual decision to get a divorce.
It was December 2, 2017.
To be honest this "change" was one of many that have been happening since 2016. In these last two years my business changed, my clients and friends shifted, my home situation changed, my relationship changed, my relationship to love itself, my connection to myself: my body, my energy, my awareness, my desires have all changed. And I know this period of change is not yet complete. Perhaps it will never be "complete" but this deep shedding, grieving, processing, going to the depths hopefully won't last too much longer. It has been incredibly humbling. Eye opening. Soul expanding. Through this process I've begun coming back home to me, my truest essence, my heart. Finding my authenticity and my truth. All while clearing a bright path for the way forward - shifting the way I show up for myself, my community, my family, my relationships and the world community as a whole.
I've always been a seeker and perhaps I always will be, but in this moment I know I have found what I've been searching for. It's been within me all along. It had just gotten covered by stories and beliefs that weren't mine or ones that I had held on to for safety and no longer served me. It was covered by my efforts to please others for fear of hurting, upsetting or most importantly... not being loved if I followed my own path.
A truth I've struggled with all my life: as a trailblazer and truth seeker you have to be okay with upsetting people or rubbing them the wrong way.
Hello - this is me.
Trailblazer. Lover. Medicine Woman. Light bringer. Light bearer. Traveler both in Earthly & Cosmic plains. Spiritual. Artist. Dancer. Starseed. Empath. Healer. Guide. Earth Warrior & Guardian. Goddess. Truth Seeker. Human. Mother.
I am incredibly grateful for this life, this body, this breath, this never ending soul and this human experience. The challenges, the tears, the grief, the heartache, the loss, and the friends, the family, the unknown ones who assisted me on this path. Whether through support or challenge I'm grateful for them both. For the love, the beauty, the joy, the simplicity, the awe, the magic, the power, and the gifts I've been shown amidst this journey - I am forever thankful.
Change is unavoidable - it is a constant. But when you truly call in life change and take the leap - change is what you get. Perhaps not in the way you dreamed or intended or prayed for it. But it will happen. And it will be the most challenging, heart breaking, beautiful, magical, unexpected and heart expanding thing you do in your entire life. Be ready to surrender. Come to your knees. Pray like you've never prayed before. But you won't regret it.
These are all energy. Energy must go somewhere. Energy doesn't disappear. Even if it's bottled for years - one day it will release. It will move. It will take on forms of its own. So how do you wish you navigate your energy shifts and releases? How do you wish to navigate change? What do you wish to create? Are YOU really ready for your entire life to change?
I humbly ask: Will you join me?
Are you ready to break free from your cocoon? We, humanity, need you to come back home to yourself. To remember why you came here. Now. Not tomorrow or next year or when it's more convenient. This world is burning and drowning around us. Families are being pulled apart. Atrocities on humanity continue to happen. Entire species and ecosystems are completely disappearing. We need change NOW and we all have a part. No matter how big or small. Even the smallest pebble creates a ripple. But you don't have to do it alone. We can go through this transformation TOGETHER.
There is no one way - I definitely do not claim to know your path or have the answers. Raising awareness, being mindful, healing your heart, sharing your gifts and/or shedding light for your own path ahead doesn't mean you have to be spiritual or religious or new age or anything. It's simply about coming back home to YOU. The YOU you were before fear set in, before restriction and "adulthood" set in, before the should's and should not's, before you felt unsafe, before you were told you can't, before you were told you should be something or someone else, before someone else's story became yours. But the YOU you return to will be all that was before and more... because the challenges, wisdom and lessons you've learned along the way. It's like meeting the 2.0 version of yourself!
I know many of you are already in the midst of big or small shifts. If you desire someone to walk with you or to shed some light as needed - I'm here. If you have no idea what I'm taking about, yet you feel led to reach out - I'm here. If this resonates even the smallest amount - I'm here. And I'd be honored to be of service.
I love you,
Terri Lynn Hays
Ellinor Grace is a Dreamer, Visionary, Creator of Sacred Spaces, Healer, Artist & World Wanderer