Last week I was at the beach with my love and Willow watching this incredible sunset.
We were bundled up with coats and blankets as it was cold and windy, eating our dinner. We were eating in silence but my head was far from silent. My deepest desire was to polar bear plunge into the ocean. My spiritual mentor @madrinadellaterra had also planted the seed of this cleansing for the new moon in our call earlier in the day. But in my mind I kept talking myself out of it.. it’s too cold. I can’t swim. The ocean could carry me out. What are you going to do afterwards? It will be freezing to be wet. What will all the other people on the beach think? Am I drawing too much attention to myself? Do I need to do it now? I’m comfortable sitting where I am.
“I am comfortable sitting where I am.”
This. This sentence. Has kept me in places, in situations, in relationships, in friendships, in business, in boxes where I don’t actually want to be... my entire f*cking life.
There is part of me that wants to stay safe. That wants to mitigate risk. That wants to stay in the known. That doesn’t want to rock the boat. That doesn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. That doesn’t want to argue. That doesn’t want to be alone. That wants to settle into the delicious, warm blankets of the known. Even at the cost of my heart and soul. At the cost of my wild freedom.
I’ve blamed parents, family, partners, friends, society, religion, etc but it’s really about ME. I’ve done so much harm in not stating my truths. I’ve done more harm NOT saying what’s real and true for me rather than when I’ve actually said the truth. This is humbling.
How many more times am I going to abandon myself? Abandon my deep inner knowing? Abandon my deep desire to LIVE fully? To push my edges? To feel the fear and do it anyway? To stay seated comfortably in the known?
Then I stood. Stripped down the my leggings and bra. And ran down the beach. Past all the folks clamming. Past all the folks with cameras capturing the sunset. Past all my fears. The energy rising in my body. Tears flooding my eyes. Sobs rising in my body.
Simultaneously feeling the need to scream, sob and sing at the top of my lungs. Feeling waves of grief and joy all at once. Then the cold water hit me. I’m alive. My feet. I’m alive. My legs. I’m alive. My hips. I’m alive. My waist. As the waves hit my body I could feel my heart beating, my blood pulsing.
I. AM. ALIVE.
I sank to my knees. Plugged my nose and let the waves cover my head. I felt hot and cold all at once. Numb and tingling. Tears and laughter. Fear and deep peace. It was a baptism unlike any I had ever known.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. May I forever remember this day deep in my bones. In my cells. In every breath of my existence. May I continue to say yes to life. May I continue to unravel these layers. May I continue to surrender to the wild Unknown, to sink deeply into the seat of discomfort. To find the pulse of life just on the other side of fear. May I continue to cultivate a courageous heart. With immense humility and gratitude for this opportunity. Thank you to all that is. ❤️
#baptism #healingwaters #sayyestolife #courage #wildfreedom #soulsjourney #innerchildhealing #unraveling #sheddingseason #scorpioseason #rebirth #truthspeak
I need to take a moment to express my deepest gratitude to those who have guided me this last year and half.... these are just a few!
I am eternally grateful for these incredible teachers, coaches, mentors and friends who have come into my life. I'd highly recommend following them on instagram, checking out their podcasts or signing up for their Patreon pages (Also, keep in mind to compensate these folks for their time, educational resources and emotional labor.)
Trudi Lebron is an all around incredible human, she has a huge heart and is (in my mind) a true world leader for change. She's a Business & Leadership Coach for coaches and entrepreneurs working towards diversity, equity impact, and anti-racism in their life and work. Also her podcasts: That's Not How That Works and Business Remix. Trudi has been my personal and business coach for the last year and I'm also part of her Amplified Impact Mastermind (she's currently enrolling new folks for that program ~ if you're a biz owner who's already on the journey and you'd like to be in a diverse community where building an Impact and Value driven biz is of utmost importance I'd HIGHLY recommend applying!) She also led a Workshop Called Show Up and Serve for White Coaches/Biz Owners back in June and the replay is still available for purchase. So Good!!
Leesa Renee Hall is an empath and highly sensitive person. She specializes in helping folks unpack their bias in a gentle environment. She leads Inner Field Trips via Patreon which are a series of daily writing prompts and the next one starts Oct 14th. Highly Recommend!!
Sonali Fiske a friend and mentor. She specializes in amplifying the voices of Black, Brown, Indigenous Women and Femmes of Color who are ready to share their revolutionary messages. I'd highly recommend checking out her TedX Talk. If you're BBIWoC who's ready to step onto the world stage she's taking applicants for her upcoming program!
Katina Castillo at Earth Purpose. I had an astrology session with her on my birthday last year that rocked my world and I currently support her via Patreon, which I highly recommend or find her on YouTube!
Jessica Denise Dickson a friend and colleague who is an Enneagram specialist. I had a 1:1 Enneagram session with her that was amazing!! She also has specific programs for both Black, Indigenous, Women of Color seeking true liberation and White folks doing this deep internal dive. I'd highly recommend following her on instagram ~ she's a brilliant speaker/writer and honestly just a beautiful soul.
Madrina della Terra is a spiritual mentor who I'm currently working with who specializes in Shadow Work and Ancestral Healing. Check out her bio in her instagram to find some incredible articles on genealogy/antiracism work and environmental justice.
Dr. Frantonia whom lead a potent 8 week series with a Sacred Council of other Black, Brown, Indigenous Women of Color which I joined called "The Evil Behind Your Love and Light" ~ this was such a transformational and eye opening experience, conversation and learning. You can follow her instagram here for more powerful truths.
While checking out these folks and their work my hope is you find some delicious insights, ah ha moments and perhaps find someone to further support you on your own journey.
Hello beautiful people,
Wow ~ what a year! I feel we are being asked again and again to learn to ride the wave. The wave of change. The wave of viewing our most shadowy bits. The wave of new information coming to light. The wave of last minute changes. The wave of no planning ahead. Moment to moment. Day to day. Show up in the best way you can. Shifting through all the noise. Be as present as you can. Some days are better than others. Breathe. Pause. Move. How are YOU doing riding this wave?? I'd honesty love to hear from you.
For me some days are definitely better than others. Some days I've buried my head in the sheets. Some days I've cried for hours. Some days I've laid in the sun and found beautiful moments of grace. Some days have pushed all my edges. Some days I've confronted parts of me I thought I'd worked through years ago. Some days I've courageously stepped IN. Some days I've connected deeply with friends or loved ones. Some days I've found it hard to be in my body and others all I wanted to do was touch my body. It is indeed an amazing time to be alive.
It feels like now more than ever we need to have such a level of grace and compassion for ourselves and all those around us.
That being said I feel it's also very important for me acknowledge and share the deep dive I've been immersed in this last year and the path I'm continuing to take. It feels important to further clarify my stance on the topics at hand (if it wasn't understood already) as well as the community I desire to cultivate moving forward. This newsletter is a call IN ~ I hope you will join me!!
Through these last few months I've witnessed a lot of harmful acts in the wellness/spiritual/healing community where folks don't want to bring the current state of affairs into those circles. Where some have felt these topics were "political" and don't have a place in healing communities. Where specifically white practitioners and space holders didn't understand the level of harm that was being done to black, indigenous, people of color (BIPOC) while in their spaces due to their lack of education, understanding and not yet unpacking their white privilege, bias and racism. It was awful to witness, especially the reaction of these practitioners when called out or in to this deeper work.... IN HEALING SPACES. IN TRANSFORMATION SPACES. Is this not what we all are working towards??
And it was humbling. Knowing I had also done some of these things. Knowing I myself had more work to do, more to unpack and more courage to cultivate.
Black Lives Matter.
Black Lives more than matter, they are in fact Sacred.
And this doesn't mean that other lives aren't important, yes all human life is important, but right now black lives are disproportionately at stake... every single day and this is nothing new. It's been happening far too long. My black friends don't feel safe. Every day. It's a stress to leave their homes, watch their children grow to be black men and women. Whats going to happen when they are pulled over by cops? walk down the street? sleep in their own beds? go jogging? imagine what it would like to feel this level of stress, every day, in your body?
The bottom line: this isn't politics ~ we are talking about peoples LIVES being at stake on a daily basis.
I have been on a deep journey this last year and a half learning and studying specifically with/from black, brown and indigenous womxn of color. It is SO important we follow their lead at this time! It is SO important we amplify their voices and their movements at this time. To listen deeply. There is a wellspring of deep wisdom, connection to the earth, rootedness, truth speak, connection to the ancestors and true healing that I rarely witness in ANY white spaces. Including my own. Yes, READ THAT AGAIN.
Here is the deeper awareness and message that keeps landing on my heart:
You cannot be on the healing or transformation journey and NOT do antiracism or personal identity work. These call outs and call ins are actually a soul calling deeper into your humanity. Calling you deeper into your divinity. They are incredible gifts.
Into why you are here on this planet. At this specific time. We are all needed NOW more than ever. With our eyes and hearts wide open. You will unravel truth and more specifically YOUR truth and authenticity. You will realize all the ways this oppressive system we all live in is hurting ALL of us.
AND you cannot do Anti Racism work without also doing your own deep dive on shame, inner child and ancestral healing. Because these are things contributing to reactions, flailing, defensiveness, immobility, more harm and it's keep folks stuck in a spin out.
I know. It's happened to me and it still does sometimes because this journey is that of a lifetime. Will you join me??
With love and infinite gratitude,
Ellinor Grace is a Dreamer, Visionary, Creator of Sacred Spaces, Healer, Artist & World Traveler